Fostering Teens with Confidence and Compassion

Fostering a teenager can be an incredibly rewarding experience but can also come with a unique set of challenges. Teens in foster care are often navigating more complex emotions, past traumas, and the already-challenging journey of adolescence. For foster parents who haven’t cared for older kids, understanding what to expect can make all the difference in building a trusting and supportive relationship.

What you can expect when fostering a teen

Expect that it may take time for the child to build trust with you, and understand and follow your house rules and expectations. Expect that they may not follow them readily and may question or push back on some of them. “Regroup, reteach, and reinforce,” says Mary Deckard, Referral and Placement Coordinator, at Centerstone. Many teens who have experienced abuse or neglect have relied on themselves to have their needs met or have had little structure or adult supervision. Being in your home will be a new experience that may take time for them to understand. They love just as deeply, but it may simply take a bit more patience and understanding to see how they show it.

Common misconceptions about fostering teens and the truth behind them

Many people believe that teenagers in foster care are more difficult or combative, but the reality is that many teens have faced instability and trauma, which means they need extra patience, understanding, and consistent support. These young people are often just looking for a safe, stable environment and positive relationships. Another common misconception is that foster parents must be highly experienced to care for teens. In truth, the most important qualification is a willingness to support and understand the teen’s needs, regardless of their age. While teens may appear more independent, they still need to be parented, nurtured, and guided. It’s also a myth that younger children are easier to manage. Teens often have better communication skills and a deeper understanding of their own circumstances, which can make it easier to connect with and support them.

How to prepare for welcoming a teen into your home

Learn as much as you can about them before their arrival and be sure to discuss their preferences and interests with them. Deckard recommends being upfront about your house rules including setting clear expectations and safe boundaries for everyone – not just the foster child. Be prepared to talk about designated spaces, schedules, and expectations in your home. Additionally, take them shopping to buy their own toiletries, things to personalize their room, and their favorite foods. Jessica Rabiola, Foster Care Supervisor at Centerstone, adds that you may also find it helpful to provide them with the wi-fi information for your home upon their arrival so that they are able to stay connected to friends or any other online games or activities they enjoy.

It’s also a good idea to show them the layout of your home and introduce them—through a video or photo album—to any family members or pets who live there. Knowing the lay of the land may help them feel more comfortable and at ease when they arrive.

What you should keep in mind as you try to connect with your foster teen

Teenagers may or may not like to answer a lot of questions right away which is why it’s important to meet them where they are and be present. Find an activity that can provide one-on-one time that allows the teen to make a connection with you on their terms. Consider an activity that they enjoy and ask questions about it and learn from them. They can teach you a lot! Furthermore, model the behaviors you want to see in them. For example, if you want dinner to be a family-focused, no technology time, don’t have your phone out.

Fostering a teen isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about showing up, staying consistent, and creating a space where trust can grow. While the path may come with unexpected turns, it also offers powerful moments of connection and growth for both the teen and the foster parent. If you’re ready to open your heart and your home, start your foster care journey by visiting our website today.