Bullying 101

Each year, millions of students are bullied. A 2022 Pew Research study reported that 53% of U.S. teens say that online harassment and cyberbullying is major concern for people their age. Because of these alarming numbers, we have created a set of tips and suggestions to help parents understand what bullying is, what it can look like, and how to talk to your kids about it.

What is bullying?

Bullying happens when an individual or a group of people with more power, repeatedly and intentionally causes hurt or harm to another person or group of people who feel helpless to respond. While bullying can happen at any age, there tends to be more of it happening for kids and teens in school. Bullying can continue over time, is often hidden from adults, and is likely to continue if no action is taken. 

While things like single episodes of social rejection and single acts of mean behavior can cause distress, they are not considered examples of bullying unless someone is deliberately and repeatedly engaging in them.

Are there different types of bullying?

There are four different types of bullying:

• Physical: this can include hitting, punching, pushing, or damaging property.
• Verbal: this can include name calling, teasing, intimidation, homophobic or racist comments, or other verbal abuse.
• Covert or Hidden Bullying: this can be hard to recognize as it isn’t usually done to a person’s face. It can include lying or spreading rumors, jokes that embarrass or humiliate, encouraging social exclusion, or intentionally damaging someone’s reputation.
• Cyberbullying: bullying behaviors using digital technologies, including computers, smartphones, social media, instant messaging, or gaming platforms.

What should a student do if they’re being bullied?

Tabatha Floyd, Coordinator of Violence and Bullying Prevention at Centerstone says, “Tell someone, even if you don’t think it will help. Just talking about a situation can help put it in perspective. You could talk to a friend, a parent, or a trusted teacher who you know will take what you’re saying seriously.” Floyd also recommends keeping a record of incidents.

Though it can be challenging in the moment, it’s important for the student being bullied to act as uninterested as possible – bullies feed off of strong responses to their actions. Floyd recommends the following responses instead:

• Act unimpressed: pretend not to notice what they’re doing
• Walk away
• Pretend to agree with them by saying something like “Yep, that’s what I’m like alright.”
• Look around for other friendship groups in or out of school
• Get involved in clubs or activities at school where you’ll feel safe

If you are being cyberbullied, you can:

• Block senders
• Report the interactions in the app, internet service provider (ISP), or website
• Keep messages by taking a screenshot or sending them to someone else as it is important to keep a record
• If there are threats or calls to harm yourself, report abuse to the police and also the ISP or website

How can students intervene if they see someone else being bullied?

Even if it doesn’t feel like a young person can intervene when a friend or someone they know is being bullied, they can help make a difference. They can support the person who is being bullied by helping them find information about where to go to get help and consider going with them. It is also important for them to not stay and watch or encourage the bullying. They should walk away and tell a trusted adult who can help since most bullying happens when adults aren’t around.

How can parents talk to their child if they’re being bullied?

It is important to know the warning signs that your child may be a victim of bullying. Floyd highlights the following red flags:

• Unexplainable injuries
• Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
• Changes in eating habits
• Declining grades, loss of interest in hobbies, or not wanting to go to school
• Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
• Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
• Self-harm or talk of suicide
• Seem to be getting into trouble all the time
• Are angry for no reason
• Are sad and ‘down’

When it comes to talking to your child about bullying, there are a few things that parents should keep in mind about their own behavior that can help their child. “Nurture a positive family climate where your child feels safe, heard, and comfortable talking to adults,” adds Floyd. “It is also important to manage your feelings first, stay calm and project the assurance that they are safe and protected. Assure them that it isn’t their fault,” Floyd continues. It is also important for parents to know when to pull the plug. If the bullying is severe, ongoing, and nothing is being done to stop or prevent it from happening, know when it is time to remove your child from the unsafe situation. 

Floyd goes on, “Teach your child how to use assertive language. Standing up for oneself without being unkind to another person is difficult, but it’s a skill today’s kids particularly need. Learning how to be assertive can help children identify their feelings and express themselves. And, when students learn to be assertive, they are more likely to stand up to a bully. Assertiveness helps children learn the right way to say no, which can help them feel more in control.”

What can parents do if their child is engaging in bullying behavior?

Again, there are distinct warning signs parents should be aware of that may indicate their child is engaging in bullying behaviors. Consider the following:

• They get into physical or verbal fights
• They have friends who bully others
• They are increasingly aggressive
• They frequently get in trouble at school
• Have unexplained extra money or new belongings
• Don’t accept responsibility for their actions
• Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity

If you know that your child is bullying others, there are some ways to talk to them about it that will allow them to realize the gravity of their actions. To start, teach your child what bullying looks like and set consequences for what will happen if they engage in those behaviors. Next, talk to them about their behavior. Let them know that what they are doing or saying is not okay and is causing harm to the other person. It is also important to teach them about empathy and help them understand how their actions affect others.

“Hold your child accountable for their actions,” says Floyd, “Often, bullies will blame others or make excuses for their behavior.” Bullies tend to see themselves as victims, so the conversation should focus on them taking responsibility for their behavior. Finally, remember that behavior can be learned or modified. Don’t refer to a child as a bully but rather address the bullying behavior.

If your child has experienced bullying, has had a noticeable shift in their mental well-being, or needs support strengthening their confidence or self-esteem, Centerstone can help. Call us at 877-HOPE123 or visit our counseling services page to learn more.