Helping Them Heal: How to Support Someone with Survivor’s Guilt

Supporting a loved one who is experiencing survivor’s guilt can be a delicate and challenging task. As a friend or family member, you may feel helpless or unsure of how to provide the right kind of support. However, there are practical ways to help your loved one navigate their guilt, offering empathy, understanding, and the tools they need to begin healing.

Survivor’s guilt is a psychological phenomenon where an individual feels guilty for surviving a traumatic event when others did not. The impact of surviving a traumatic event can be profound and can lead to different cognitive and physical symptoms, and the person may begin to behave differently as a result. Here are some signs to look for:

• Uncharacteristic irritability
• Obsessive thoughts about the event
• Verbal expression of guilt: “I didn’t deserve to survive” or “I should have done more”
• Ruminating on what could’ve gone differently
• Social isolation
• Increased substance use
• Self-harm
• Withdrawal from social activity
• Mood swings
• Changes in appetite

The severity of these symptoms will vary depending on the person. However, if you start to notice these symptoms in your loved one after surviving a traumatic event, this may indicate they are struggling with survivor’s guilt and may benefit from professional help. Here are four ideas to consider when supporting them:

1. Actively listen when they share their experiences.
2. Be patient as they navigate their healing journey.
3. Offer practical help with daily tasks to help alleviate stress.
4. Encourage professional help through individual therapy or support groups.

“Self-education can also be immensely helpful when offering support to a loved one,” says Melanie Kidd, Clinical Manager at Centerstone. “Educating yourself on what survivor’s guilt is will allow you to offer more informed and appropriate support to your loved one.”

While offering practical support, it is important to choose your language wisely. Avoid saying things like “at least you survived,” “it could’ve been worse,” or “just try not to think about it” or anything else that may minimize their experience. Instead, do your best to validate their feelings. Saying things like “I’m here for you,” “it’s okay to feel this way,” and “you did the best you could” are all ways you can validate their feelings while giving them the space to feel them.

Supporting a loved one through survivor’s guilt requires patience and empathy. By being present, listening without judgment, and encouraging them to seek professional help, you can help them navigate their feelings and move toward healing. If someone you know needs additional support on their healing journey, Centerstone can help. Call us at 877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123) or visit our counseling services page to learn more.