Facing the Expectations of Motherhood

Motherhood is often described as one of life’s most rewarding journeys, yet it comes with an overwhelming array of expectations that can leave many mothers feeling pressured, judged, and even inadequate. From societal norms and cultural traditions to harsh comparisons on social media, mothers today are bombarded with different imagery and messages about what it means to be a “good” mother. Navigating these expectations can be challenging, but it’s essential for mothers to be able to trust themselves and the choices they make for their families.

The expectations of motherhood can come from a multitude of avenues and can be shaped by the intersection of cultural, social, and historical factors. Societal norms and traditions have deep-rooted beliefs about gender roles, typically positioning women as primary caregivers. Social media further increases these pressures by promoting idealized images of motherhood, making it difficult for mothers to avoid comparisons which can increase the pressure to conform. And, as the definition of success continues to evolve, with women taking on multiple roles beyond motherhood, the range of expectations widens, making it even more challenging to navigate. “When you look at the baby industry as a whole, it is primarily geared toward women,” says Melissa Gilbreath, Project Manager at Centerstone. “Expectations for fatherhood tend to look much different.”

Social media plays a large role in perpetuating these expectations for mothers. Social media often acts as a highlight reel, typically only showcasing only the best parts of motherhood. It portrays pregnancy as a beautiful experience, which can minimize less glamorous realities, like morning sickness, swollen ankles, and back pain. Additionally, social media influencer moms often present motherhood as an idealized lifestyle that tends to be unattainable and unrealistic for most people. Seeing this consistent imagery can take a toll on moms’ mental health, and may cause them to feel like they are inadequate or even failing as a parent.

While it can be hard to block out the noise and conflicting expert opinions, there are several ways for new moms to determine what is best for them and their family:

1. Research. Do some research on different parenting styles and philosophies, and find what makes the most sense for you and your lifestyle.
2. Trial and error. Know that it is okay to change your mind if you find that what you initially thought you wanted is no longer feasible for you and your family. It may take some time to find a parenting style that fits.
3. Find a support system. It is important to have a support system that can be reassuring for any decisions you make as a parent. Whether it’s family members, friends, or your doctor, it is helpful to have someone in your corner to assure you that you are doing a good job.

As you navigate motherhood and make decisions for the well-being of your family, you may face some disagreement from those around you. Here are some ways to deal with negativity:

1. Stay confident in your choices. Remind yourself that you know what’s best for your child. “Trust your gut,” adds Gilbreath.
2. Set boundaries. Politely, but firmly, set boundaries with those who offer unsolicited advice or criticism. You might say, “I appreciate your concern, but we’ve made this decision based on what’s best for our family.”
3. Choose your battles. Not every comment needs a response, and sometimes, it may be best to let them go.
4. Focus on what matters. If baby is happy, healthy, and safe, then nothing else matters.
5. Learn to let go of the need for external validation. Know that not everyone will agree with your choices, and that’s okay.

If you or someone you know is a new parent who is struggling to adjust, you are not alone. If you need additional support, Centerstone recommends the following resources: The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline and Postpartum Support International. Both hotlines are available for text or call 24/7 and can connect you to resources in your area. For further assistance, Centerstone can help. Call us at 877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123) or visit our counseling services page to learn more.