Clearing the Air: How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting

Parenting is a delicate balancing act between guidance and freedom. Knowing when to set firm boundaries and when to give your child more independence can be challenging, yet it’s essential for their growth and development. Too much control can suppress confidence, while too little can lead to uncertainty. The key is finding the right balance—offering structure when needed and stepping back when it’s time to let them navigate things on their own.

What is helicopter parenting?

The term helicopter parent comes from the idea that some parents tend to hover over their children, similar to how helicopters hover. “Helicopter parents are overprotective and overly involved in their child’s life to the point where it is more than likely interfering with the child’s ability to learn important life skills and function as an adult,” says Kati Guernsey, Director of Child Services at Centerstone. This may include things like not allowing the child to do things for themselves, being too cautious during play time, or even checking in too frequently while they are with friends. While there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to make sure your child is safe, overstepping can cause friction.

Why does it happen?

Parents may feel the need to be overprotective because they may fear something bad happening to their child or because of societal pressure to parent in a certain way. However, experiences in their own childhood can be a significant reason why parents are overprotective. Someone’s lived experience as a child almost directly affects their parenting style and, oftentimes, overcompensating could mean that some of their needs were not met when they were young. Ultimately, they are making an attempt to protect their children from going through the same experiences they did. This could also come in the form of overcompensating due to past regrets. For example, if a parent did not attend college, they may, in turn, be considerably strict with their kids about their schooling to ensure that they do attend college.

How to find healthy boundaries

In order to navigate healthy boundaries with your kids, Guernsey suggests looking at parenting through the lens of a coach – solve their problems with them, not for them. Additionally, it can be helpful to be aware of your own biases and how they may influence your parenting. This is especially helpful to keep in mind when your child is experiencing some sort of problem. Ask yourself, does this situation really call for me to step in? Or have I given my child all the tools they need to handle it? Keep in mind that this will depend on the age of the child and the circumstance.

Ideally, navigating these boundaries is a gradual process. When kids are younger they will naturally need more guidance and help, but as they get older, it’s important to loosen the reigns a little to allow them to make their own mistakes. “It is really important to allow your kids to make mistakes,” Guernsey adds, “Without making mistakes, we can’t learn.” It’s important not to shield them from the natural consequences of their actions while also making sure you are there to catch them if they fall.

Being a parent is one of the most important jobs in the world, and a true balancing act. It is natural to want to protect your child from certain aspects of the world, but too much protection may set them up for failure as an adult. If you are looking for guidance while establishing healthy boundaries in your parenting journey, Centerstone is here for you. Call us at 1-877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123) or visit our website to learn more about our counseling services.