Parents in the midst of divorce are often in one of the most challenging and stressful times of their lives. Parenting children during this time becomes even more difficult. You may wonder how to answer questions, how to talk about the separation, and most of all, how to make sure your child will be okay. You are not alone and your concerns for your child are valid.

Connecting Through Play

Adults in stressful situations are often thinking about the future or feel overwhelmed by the expectations of the day. While children can experience stress as well, they decompress, communicate, and connect to others differently than adults. We often say that the language of children is play. While you may be wondering what play has to do with managing a complex and stressful time, play can make a significant impact on your child’s view of themselves and the world. Play is how children connect to us and is vital to their development.

Whether they are young and still love blocks, or teens that want to play board games or shoot hoops, play is important and builds connection. Play provides children with a chance to be imaginative, creative, and be fully seen by a caregiver. It may even offer you a chance to be present with your child in a way that has been difficult to do since the separation.

How to Play

Sometimes playing can feel like a task on top of everything else you are managing. But there is good news, even a small amount of play can help your child feel connected and well-adjusted to the family changes. Start with just five minutes a day. Think about where five minutes could fit into your current routine. Set aside this time to let your child choose a toy and let them lead the play. Having a consistent 5-15 minute time that you and your child get to play provides them with consistency, predictability, and connection in a time of uncertainty.

During your play time, focus on what you like that your child is doing and give them praise! Praise helps to build their confidence. If they are talking to you, repeat what they said back to them. This helps them to feel heard by you. If they’re silent, try to describe what they’re doing. Describing helps them know they’re receiving your full attention.

Connecting to your child during a divorce or separation can seem challenging but bringing it back to the basics of childhood through play is a great first step. While in a tense and stressful time, play may be the last thing you’re thinking about, but you’re likely always thinking about your child and their well-being. Play will help connect you, provide consistency and predictability, and an avenue for communication.