A Guide to Co-Parenting

Co-parenting is a journey that requires patience, communication, and a shared commitment to a child’s well-being. No matter the dynamic of the parents, successfully navigating this partnership can create a stable and supportive environment for their child. While challenges such as differing parenting styles and emotional tensions may arise, effective co-parenting fosters a sense of security and consistency.

So, what does it mean to co-parent? Simply put, co-parenting means sharing the duties of raising a child when the parents are separated or not in a relationship. Lucinda Stiles, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Centerstone, explains that there are three types of co-parenting styles.

1. Parallel parenting: In this dynamic, which happens about 50% of the time, each household has their own set of rules and guidelines. Essentially, their interaction is limited to brief exchanges when handing off the child and their belongings, with little to no additional communication or engagement.
2. Conflicted parenting: This happens when there are active conflicts, disagreements, arguing, and fighting between parents.
3. Cooperative co-parenting: This is the most ideal type of co-parenting and is characterized by both parents coming together and discussing/agreeing upon a plan where they coordinate rules that both households will follow including things like bedtime, schooling, religion, discipline, and healthcare.

No matter which co-parenting approach works best for you, it’s important to remember that while a relationship or marriage may have ended, the family dynamic continues. Parenthood is a lifelong bond, and maintaining a supportive, cooperative partnership ensures stability and well-being for the child. It is critical to have a solid working relationship with your co-parent in order to set your child up for success. “Because kids pick up on verbal and nonverbal cues, they can easily sense conflict,” Stiles adds, “If children grow up witnessing constant conflict and chaos between their parents, they may come to view these patterns as normal.” As a result, they are more likely to internalize these behaviors and replicate them in their own relationships, handling conflicts in a similar manner.

With this in mind, there are a few do’s and don’ts to consider in order to make your co-parenting experience as seamless as possible.

Do:

• Do try your best to keep routines and rules as consistent as possible between homes.
• Do find a way to communicate with your co-parent that will work best for you and your dynamic.
• Do maintain appropriate boundaries.

Don’t:

• Don’t have conversations about the other parent with the child in the room. Try to keep your tone, words, and body language as neutral as possible when talking to or about your co-parent.
• Don’t give up! You will more than likely experience some setbacks as you navigate co-parenting. Just remember that compromise, flexibility, communication, giving the other parent the benefit of the doubt, and appropriate conflict resolution are key.

When it comes to successfully co-parenting, collaboration is crucial and may require you to separate your feelings towards your co-parent and focus on what is best for your child. As you navigate any challenges that come up, consider attending family counseling to improve communication and strengthen your co-parenting relationship. Services like those offered at Centerstone can provide fair solutions to overcome many co-parenting obstacles.