Honest Conversations: Talking to Your Kids About Suicide

Explaining suicide to young children can be a delicate and challenging conversation. Between the ages of 7-10, children are beginning to grasp complex emotions and concepts, but they still rely heavily on adults to help them make sense of difficult situations. It’s important to consider the following suggestions when having this conversation with your child.

It’s okay to talk about death

Typically, around the ages of seven or eight, most children are developmentally ready to understand conversations about death. When talking about suicide specifically, it’s important for kids to know what it is because that can help destigmatize mental health struggles and help them understand that seeking help is a good thing.

Use the right language

When initiating this conversation with your child, use terms they’ll understand in a kind and straightforward way. It’s important to talk about the fact that suicide is a way that people can die without normalizing it. Consider using language like, ‘sometimes people get sick and they may think differently than they normally would. They may think their suicide is going to help them and other people, but it doesn’t. It ends up hurting a lot of people instead.’ “It’s important to be in a safe space as you have this conversation where both you and your child feel safe and comfortable expressing any emotions that arise,” says Shane Kuhlman, Chief Psychology Officer at Centerstone.

Help them understand the difference between sad and depressed

To help a child understand the difference between sadness and depression, explain that sadness is a normal emotion everyone feels and give examples, like when someone took their toy and they felt sad at the time, but better later that day. Then describe depression as lasting sadness that affects behavior, making someone not want to get out of bed or talk to others for a long time. This helps them see that sadness is temporary, while depression is more serious and long-lasting. “Ultimately, it’s important to differentiate the fact that depression is not the same as regular feelings of sadness,” adds Kuhlman.

As you have this conversation with your children it may be helpful to explain that with coping mechanisms like suicide ideation or substance use, the feeling of relief is only temporary and it has the potential to bring harm to others whereas with healthy coping mechanisms like deep breathing, listening to music, or talking with a trusted adult, there can be actual relief and healing.

Helping them process the information

All children process things a little differently and some may be more curious than others, so be prepared to answer questions. You may not know the answers to all of them, but that’s okay. Other kids may be ready to move on from the conversation, but process it internally. No matter what, let them process it in their own way. Afterward, check in with them while doing regular activities such as brushing their hair, playing catch, or while playing with toys, to see how they’re doing with the information.

By approaching this difficult discussion with honesty, sensitivity, and age-appropriate language, you can create a safe environment where your kids feel comfortable expressing their feelings and asking questions. It’s important to remind them that there is always help available and that they are never alone in their struggles.

For more information, check out this guide from The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). If you notice signs of mental health concerns or think your child could benefit from speaking with a therapist, Centerstone’s counseling services are here to help.

If you or someone you know is in a mental health crisis call or text 988 to connect with the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline and talk with someone who can help.