Moving on and Forgiving Yourself

For many of us, mistakes and regrets are simply part of the human experience. However, holding onto our regrets and mistakes can result in negative energy in our bodies, and can impact our self-esteem and even our physical health. So, what if we took those mistakes and regrets, forgave ourselves, and turned them into opportunities for growth instead? Keep reading to discover how you can release the weight of regrets, practice self-forgiveness, and turn your past experiences into opportunities for growth.

What is self-forgiveness?

Self-forgiveness means acknowledging and accepting a situation, action, or decision you’ve previously made. This process includes letting go of any self-directed anger, guilt, or resentment.

Why is self-forgiveness important?

“Holding on to past mistakes and regrets can bear such a heavy weight on us,” says Tracy Haynes, Therapist at Centerstone. “If we have guilt or shame about something, it can turn into a cycle where it becomes harder for us to forgive ourselves and let go of them,” she adds. This can then trickle down into different areas of our lives. Essentially, if we don’t address it, we run the risk of it turning into a bigger, more overwhelming issue.

Why can this be hard to do?

Some people may misunderstand what forgiveness is, and may believe that by letting go of the issues, they are deeming it as unimportant. However, the opposite is true. Letting go can mean that you’ve learned from the situation. Self-forgiveness can also include deep feelings of guilt or shame, a lack of self-compassion, trauma, a fear of repeating past mistakes, and high levels of self-criticism, all of which can make it challenging to forgive yourself. Additionally, Haynes notes that some people may not even realize they’re holding a grudge against themselves for something they may have done in the past.

How to forgive yourself

The best way to frame self-forgiveness is to imagine how you would have a similar conversation with a friend who is struggling with a past mistake or regret. You wouldn’t tell them they should feel ashamed of themselves, or that they deserve to feel this way. Rather, you would tell them that mistakes happen and that everything will be okay. “You deserve to be treated with as much respect as you would treat your friend if they made a mistake,” Haynes adds, “so show yourself kindness.”

Turning mistakes and regrets into an opportunity for growth

Consider the following as you go through the journey of self-forgiveness:

1. Acknowledge and accept: Admit the mistake or regret happened, and understand that the past cannot be changed.
2. Ask yourself questions: What was happening in your life at the time? Do you notice any patterns? Do you know how to break them? What did this situation teach you about yourself, others, or life in general?
3. Make amends: If possible, repair any harm done and take accountability for your actions.
4. Foster self-compassion: Remind yourself that making mistakes is part of being human and is essential to growth.
5. Reframe: Focus on what the experience taught you and use it as a stepping stone to move forward and set new goals.

Learning to forgive yourself can take time, so be patient with yourself as you go through this journey. If you’re ready to embrace self-forgiveness and nurture your inner compassion, Centerstone is here to guide you every step of the way. Visit our counseling services page or give us a call today at 877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123). Together, we can create the brighter, more empowered future you deserve!