The Dark Side of Love: Recognizing the Signs of Love Bombing

The start of a new relationship can be a very exciting chapter in our lives. New relationships can bring new opportunities to learn about yourself and how to be a good communicator and reliable partner. While the honeymoon phase can feel electrifying, if your new partner seems too good to be true, you could be experiencing love bombing.

What is love bombing?

It’s a form of emotional and psychological manipulation that involves your romantic partner quickly escalating the relationship to create an intense emotional bond in an effort to manipulate you into a relationship with them. While many people may be capable of love bombing, it is most commonly exhibited by people with anxious or insecure attachment behaviors and can be done intentionally or unintentionally. It is mostly recognized in romantic relationships, however it can be experienced in platonic or familial relationships, too and tends to occur in three phases:

1. Idealization phase: During this phase, your partner will bombard you with excessive love and affection to draw you in and encourage you to let your guard down. You may feel like you are being swept off your feet and that it all seems too good to be true.
2. Devaluation phase: Once you’ve let your guard down, your partner may try to exert control over you in different ways. They may start demanding more of your time while also pressuring you to limit the time you spend with friends and family.
3. Discard phase: When you confront them about their behavior, they may avoid taking accountability for their actions.

The love bomber may have difficulty trusting others which is why they may feel compelled to manipulate and control the relationship.

What does love bombing look like?

Here are a few common examples of love bombing behaviors:

• Showering you with excessive attention and affection early in the relationship
• Over-communicate their feelings for you
• Intense talk about the future too early
• They are too demanding of your time and attention
• They need constant reassurance and communication
• They make you feel overwhelmed

What should I do if I’m being love bombed?

Love bombing can result in self-esteem and dependency issues. Additionally, it can also cause isolation, relationship trauma, and even guilt if you don’t reciprocate the actions of the love bomber. In this case, it is important to address their behavior promptly. The best course of action may be a clean break from the relationship, setting clear boundaries, and using ‘I’ statements to address your feelings such as ‘I feel overwhelmed when I receive constant messages and gestures of affection’ or ‘I feel like I need more time to myself.’ In many situations, love bombing behaviors can be an indication of more serious, underlying issues that can be unhealthy and even harmful to a relationship.

How do I know if it’s love bombing or just love?

The line between honest expressions of love and love bombing ultimately comes down to the need for control. If your partner wants to spend time with you or surprise you with small gifts, this may be a genuine expression of their feelings. These behaviors are not red flags because they don’t involve controlling you. However, if their want for more time with you feels more like a demand and they’re in a rush for you to commit to a serious relationship, they could be love bombing you and it may be worth slowing the pace of next steps. While the differences can seem subtle on paper, they can be discernable in real time.

If you have been involved in a relationship and have noticed a shift in your mental well-being or have experienced tendencies to move quickly in relationships and want to address them, Centerstone can help. To learn more, give us a call at 877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123) or visit our counseling services page.