Be Well Moment: A Practice for Self-Doubt

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[music] Hey besties, have you ever noticed that when that self-doubt starts to sink in and we're already feeling like we're not good enough [music] that
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our inner critic can get a little bit louder and a little more harsh? Instead of being our biggest cheerleader, they
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get to be less kind and maybe even a little bit mean. That is completely normal. That is a human experience that many of us have. And [music] there are
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practices that we can do together to try to help curb those moments when we're feeling like we're not good enough and those critical thoughts start [music]
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spiraling. We have a practice today that we want to welcome you into called distance self-t talk. That is one where we'll kind of guide through how we
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[music] can talk to ourselves in a gentler way so we can be our cheerleader rather than our harshest critic. [music]
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We are so glad you're here today to practice with us. Welcome to your be well moment. [music]
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I'm unbreakable, unsppable. [music] Okay, you all. So, last episode we talked all about self-doubt, how that is
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a completely natural and normal thing that happens in human brains and at times it can kind of take over and get
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out of control. So, we have a very practical exercise for us today to maybe help some of us when we're in those moments of self-doubt and maybe even
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when they get into that more negative self- chatter. And this practice is actually brought by Dr. Ethan Cross. He
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is a psychologist and neuroscientist has a book called Chatter that talks all about the benefits and then maybe some
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of the drawbacks that happen when we get in that chatter in our brain. But the practice we're presenting today is distance self-t talk. Um what it does
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for us is it uses language as a tool to create some distance from our mental and emotional experience. Our brains are
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very complicated, but we can actually kind of trick them easily by doing something like just using third person
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pronouns. It tricks our brains into better listening to advice, being a little more gentle on ourselves because
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most of us would not talk to our best friend the same way we talk to ourselves. So, it's us using language as
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a way to kind of shift our mental space, be a little more gentle and understanding for ourselves so we can feel grounded and feel like we can
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actually accomplish or take whatever next best steps we need for oursel. So, that's kind of the idea behind the
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practice. Today's going might be a little awkward because you I'm going to ask you to have a conversation with yourself. Um, so what we'll do is we'll
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will not stare at me while [laughter] I have a conversation with myself.
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Thank you. Thank you for not awkwardly staring at each other while you talk to yourselves. So, I'm going to walk us through the steps here in just a second
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um and ask you to to kind of go through this mentally and then we'll take some observations at the end and see what that was like for you all. Okay? And
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I'll give some examples too as we're going. So, the first step is bringing a memory to mind. So, take a second to think of a time when you either felt
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overwhelmed by a problem or situation and didn't think you were capable of handling it and you had that those self-doubt thoughts starting to come in.
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Maybe you felt underprepared or unqualified for whatever was going on or out of your comfort zone is another thing that that can kind of bring these
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on. Think about what you were feeling, but also think about how you were talking to yourself and what you were saying when you were experiencing that.
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Maybe it's something like, "I can't solve this." Or, "I have no idea what I'm doing." Maybe it was something like, "I'm not the right person for the job.
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Why would they choose me for this?" So, take a moment to bring that to mind. We'll take just a second here.
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And then once you have that in your mind, that tangible example, right, we're going to work through validation.
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This is a really necessary step in this process.
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So take a moment to acknowledge that that internal chatter, maybe even criticism, it's a normal part of being human. Welcome. You have a human brain.
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It's normal.
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This is really really important because if we skip over it, it can feel the rest of the practice can feel inauthentic or
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disingenuine. So take a moment to just say, "Yep, I maybe am experiencing some of that negative chatter or
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I am feeling that self-doubt creeping in." And so we take a second to validate. So take just a moment here to do that.
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Okay.
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Third and last step here is that practice of distance selft talk. Like I said, the trick here is to use third
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person pronouns. So either your name or you, them, they, we, anything that is
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not I, me. Okay? So try coaching yourself through the problem using your
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own name. And think about a coach or a leader that you've had in the past who doesn't sugarcoat things for you, but is
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also gentle and you have trust in a relationship with, right? In their voice, try phrasing a response to maybe
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those thoughts of like, why would they choose me for this? Or I can't handle this. And we're going to reframe it a little bit. So maybe it goes from I
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can't solve this tow what is the first step Bailey would take to solve this problem, right? Or if it's I have no idea what
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I'm doing. Maybe it is Bailey, what would your mentor or coach say right now? Or maybe if you're taking on that coach persona, maybe it's when we have
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that thought of, I'm not the right person for this. Maybe that coach would say, you know what, you don't have the skills yet and I know that you're a
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super hard worker and that you're constantly learning and growing. So, you will meet that mark. It's just not there yet.
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So, it's taking on that third person.
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Maybe even if you we're talking to ourselves, taking on that coach or mentor persona so that we can show up.
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And lastly, when we think about like why would they choose me to do this? Maybe the response or thought in our head is they chose Bailey for a reason. What
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does she have to bring to the table that maybe other people don't or that is different than skill set that has been there before?
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And so let your mind take a moment to do that part.
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Okay. thoughts, reflections, observations. Reminder that observations can be like, "This one's awkward and I
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don't like it." That is completely welcome, too.
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That is that's my observation anytime we do a journaling practice.
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Yep. [laughter] I think this one, I don't know if it was difficult, but it wasn't as easy as some
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mindfulness practices are for me. I'll be completely transparent. What I was thinking about uh was in fact hosting a podcast.
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Yeah. Yes. Um, I started this venture as somewhat of a reluctant uh podcast host because I had that self-doubt. I had
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the, "Well, but you're not a mental health professional. You're not you don't have an advanced degree." Like, you're not Bailey and Nia have this.
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What can you add? And then as we went through the practice, I started thinking about I didn't I could have said no. I did say no in fact sever several times.
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But the people in my work life that see my value and see that I had something to
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add kept asking me if I was going to do it. And there was maybe some gentle pushing but there was no like coercion
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to do it of course but people saw that I could add value and thinking about that
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instead of my internal experience was super beneficial.
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Okay. So you took it a little bit of a different direction. instilled the third person, just not you speaking to yourself in the third person. That coach and mentor piece. Yeah.
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Awesome. Yeah, this one was different for me too.
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Um probably one that I know that I would lean into again maybe because some of the specific examples, you know, I I
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wasn't into lots of sports and things like that, but I I can certainly see how like mentors and things like that. Um,
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and I think too, um, I love the idea of, um, positive selft talk, you know, no matter no matter what it is, um, being
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able to take your whatever thought it is and being able to just switch it around a little bit, even a little bit sometimes even one or two words, um, is
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often is often enough for me. Um, and I also like, of course, the idea of being able to talk to yourself, you know,
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making that personable. I can really see how that could really um speak to people, you know, be be very comforting to them. You know,
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the cool thing about the research behind and Ethan Cross has done a lot of research with not this just this particular strategy, but a lot of them
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is that often times we are more likely to listen to advice from somebody else and we are more likely to act on advice
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from somebody else. So, we're more likely to listen and put things in practice when we can kind of trick our brains either through that third person
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or taking on a different persona if that fits for us.
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And as always, to you and to our besties, this is all practice and there are thousand different ways to take care of your [music] brain. If this one does
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not fit for you, we've got a whole season 1 and a new upcoming season 2 with different kinds of practices for you to take care of your brain health.
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[music] Keep tuning in. We are so excited that you're on this journey with us. Thank you and be well.
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Unstoppable me. I'm creative and I've [music] got a lot of things to share