For active duty servicemembers, veterans, and military families, strong communication is more than just optional equipment—it’s mandatory. Whether you’re navigating the early days of marriage during training, raising children while one parent is deployed, or reconnecting after a long separation, the way you speak—and listen—to each other can make or break your connection.

Military life comes with unique challenges: frequent moves, high operational tempo, long separations, reintegration stress, and the invisible wounds of service. Love may draw couples and families together, but it’s communication that keeps them strong through it all.

Why Communication Can Be Hard in Military Life

Even the strongest military families can struggle to stay connected. Stress from deployments, transition periods, or adjusting to civilian life can disrupt how we communicate.

Sometimes servicemembers feel the need to “tough it out” rather than talk about what’s really going on. Spouses and children may hold back their feelings to avoid adding pressure. Over time, unspoken frustrations and misunderstandings can create emotional distance.

The good news? Communication is a skill—and like marksmanship or physical fitness—it can be trained, practiced, and strengthened.

Signs Your Relationship Could Benefit from Better Communication

• Arguments that keep coming up without resolution

• Avoiding certain topics to “keep the peace”

• Feeling unheard or misunderstood by your spouse or family

• Misinterpreting intentions or tone during conversations

• Growing emotional distance after deployments or PCS moves

Building Blocks for Stronger Communication

1. Listen to Understand, Not Just Respond

Give your full attention—phones down, eyes on the person speaking. Show genuine curiosity about their feelings before offering your perspective (Rogers & Farson, 1957).

2. Use “I” Statements

“I feel worried when I don’t hear from you” communicates your emotions without blaming, making it easier for the other person to listen (Gordon, 1970).

3. Check Your Assumptions

Instead of assuming motives (“You don’t care about me”), ask clarifying questions (“Can you help me understand what happened?”).

4. Balance Talking and Listening

Communication isn’t about winning—it’s about connecting. Make space for everyone’s voice in the conversation (Markman, Stanley, & Blumberg, 2010).

5. Validate Emotions, Even If You Disagree

You don’t have to agree with everything someone says to acknowledge their feelings as real and important (Linehan, 1993).

Approaches That Work Well for Military Families

• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

Strengthens emotional bonds and helps couples break cycles of conflict (Johnson, 2008).

• Gottman Method

Uses proven strategies to reduce conflict, increase intimacy, and improve problem-solving (Gottman & Silver, 1999).

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Couples/Families

Helps identify and change unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviors (Epstein & Baucom, 2002).

When to Consider Professional Help

You might benefit from counseling if:

• Conversations often escalate into arguments or withdrawal

• You feel “stuck” in repeating conflicts

• Trust has been damaged and needs repair

• Reintegration after deployment feels harder than expected

• You want to deepen connection but don’t know where to start

Therapy provides a safe, neutral space to learn new skills, process emotions, and rebuild understanding—whether you’re together in person or making use of telehealth while separated.

Final Thoughts

Good communication doesn’t mean you’ll never disagree—it means you can navigate disagreements without losing connection. It’s about speaking honestly, listening deeply, and remembering that the goal is mutual understanding, not winning an argument.

Military couples and families flourish when everyone feels heard, valued, and safe to express themselves. Strengthening communication is one of the most important investments you can make—for yourself, your loved ones, and your mission readiness as a family.

If you’re in the Hinesville, Georgia area and ready to improve communication and connection, the Centerstone/Steven A. Cohen Military Family Clinic is here to help.

We offer confidential, evidence-based counseling for active duty servicemembers, veterans, and their families. Whether you’re rebuilding trust after deployment, navigating PCS transitions, or simply wanting to communicate more effectively, our team is here to equip you with the tools you need. Call us today at (912) 456-2010 to schedule your first appointment. Stronger communication starts here.

References

• Epstein, N. B., & Baucom, D. H. (2002). Enhanced cognitive-behavioral therapy for couples: A contextual approach. American Psychological Association.

• Gordon, T. (1970). Parent Effectiveness Training. New York: Wyden.

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. New York: Crown.

• Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. New York: Little, Brown.

• Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. Guilford Press.

• Markman, H. J., Stanley, S. M., & Blumberg, S. L. (2010). Fighting for Your Marriage. Jossey-Bass.

• Rogers, C. R., & Farson, R. E. (1957). Active Listening. Chicago: Industrial Relations Center, University of Chicago.