Co-parenting can be challenging even in the best circumstances. Common challenges may include discipline differences, financial matters, communication, avoiding conflict, and consistency. However, successful co-parenting remains one of the most impactful gifts you can give your child after separation or divorce. According to a 2006 study, adult children with low-conflict divorced parents fare significantly better than children with never-divorced, high-conflict parents (Amato & Afifi, 2006).

Here are three essential tips to help guide a positive co-parenting partnership

1. Be Neutral and Supportive of Your Child’s Relationship with the Other Parent
   • Speak neutrally and respectfully about the other parents.
   • Encourage your child’s bond with the other parent. Celebrate quality time, show interest in their experiences, and reassure children that loving both parents is okay and encouraged.
   • Avoid putting your child in the middle. Do not use your child as a messenger to deliver information or spy on the other parent.
2. Put Your Child’s Needs and Wellbeing Front and Center
   • Maintain routines and structure while allowing flexibility when needed. This allows for consistency across households.
   • Prioritize your child’s emotional needs.
   • Keep conversations with the other parent child-focused.
3. Communicate effectively
   • Share information promptly and clearly. Important information such as schedule changes or medical needs should be shared swiftly.
   • Use active listening. Repeat back what you heard to confirm you accurately understood their viewpoint. Use “I feel” statements to avoid accusations. 
   • Utilize technology to your advantage. For example, coparenting apps can be used for communication, keeping track of parenting schedules, and managing shared expenses. Apps like Our Family Wizard, TalkingParents, and Appclose are just a few examples. Additionally, some apps have the option to utilize AI tools for messaging support. For example, ToneMeter AI creates a real-time tone analysis of your message draft, suggests calmer alternative if your message might escalate tension, preserves core themes of your message, and keeps you in full control.

Co-parenting is a journey that requires patience, empathy, and consistency. By staying neutral and supportive, prioritizing your child’s well-being, and communicating effectively, you can create a supportive parenting environment where your child feels loved, secure, and understood. Even small improvement in how you and your co-parent interact can have a powerful impact on your child’s long-term happiness.

Serena Vess, LMSW