Valentine’s Day is a holiday with a wide range of meanings. Depending on our relationship status, it can be a cute celebration of a special someone, a painful reminder of our longing for love or a day of opportunity with significant implications. Whatever is in store for your Valentine’s Day, remember that self-care is not selfish.

Whether you’re single and loving it, dating to determine the future of a relationship, happily betrothed, rebuilding after a disagreement, deciphering what’s happening with your situationship or steeling your nerves to shoot your shot, it’s important to be on the best possible terms with yourself.

“If you can’t love yourself, how can you love anyone else?” Centerstone Be Well Besties cast member Shelby Schneider paraphrased.

The Be Well Besties are Bailey Pyle (Licensed Professional Counselor, pictured left), Nia Howard (Qualified Mental Health Professional, pictured center) and Shelby Schneider (Certified Human Being, pictured right), three human beings with varying degrees of education and experience in behavioral health care and the hosts of the Be Well Besties podcast. For the Besties, the February season of love is a time for self-assessment and self-reflection. Slowing down to check in with yourself can be a struggle.

“Lots of people don’t have the ability to pause and say, ‘How am I feeling? How does that impact the situation? What am I saying or doing to either diffuse or amp up the situation?’” Pyle said.

Singles Awareness Day

If you’re coming out of a breakup or divorce — or some other life-changing event, like a move, career change or loss of a loved one — it’s okay to ignore what everyone else does on Feb. 14.

“It’s okay to take a break and figure out who you are, who you want to be and what the relationship should bring into your life,” Howard said. “I want somebody that will add something to what I have in my life.”

“For many people, being alone is scary,” Pyle said. “We’re social creatures; we’re built to be with other humans, and so it can feel really uncomfortable and really scary.”

Some common self-care practices and mental health maintenance can help calm fears and feelings of loneliness in a challenging season.

“The relationship with yourself is the most important,” Howard said. “Anything can be self-care, which is pretty cool. A lot of people already have self-care in their lives that they might not notice.”

Maybe it’s spending 10 extra minutes writing yourself a kind note in a journal, listening to a favorite song or sending a text message to a friend you haven’t spoken with in a while.

The time is yours

“It can happen in those micro-moments,” Schneider said. “It can take 30 seconds. It can take two minutes. It could take 30 minutes if you have time, but it doesn’t have to be a huge chunk of time set aside.”

It’s also important to put the right amount of effort into self-care and make one adjustment at a time.

“People try to take on all the things, like, ‘I’m going to be a new person or a new version of me,’” Pyle said. “I would really encourage you to choose one thing. Maybe you’re not introducing anything new, but you’re like, ‘I know at a different time in my life, these things worked for me, so I’m going to go back to the Greatest Hits.’ If you want to try something different, pick one thing, see if you like it, try it out in different situations and try to make a habit of it.”

New practices don’t work in isolation, Pyle said. Just like working out one time doesn’t build much fitness, one attempt at a mindfulness practice won’t shift your mindset or mend a difficult relationship. It’s also important to recognize when it might be time to move from some basic self-care to more involved work with a therapist or counselor.

“If it feels really, really scary or too hard to work on these things on my own when I am alone, it’s a good time to start therapy,” Pyle said. “Therapists offer a safe place and a safe relationship to practice these new things.”

Let’s work together

In a long-term relationship, each participant weaves aspects of their life to their partner’s life. An integrated life can become a complicated life, especially as careers, parenting and outside-of-work interests blend together.

Self-evaluation and assessment can help reset the mind when aspects of a relationship feel overwhelming.

“It’s finding and remembering your ‘Why,’” Howard said. “Whatever your ‘why’ is, bringing it back up hopefully gives the encouragement to be able to keep with the practice, because your brain feels better, your body feels better and you’re proud of yourself.”

It’s also okay to have your own thing.

“You have your workout in the morning or whatever it is — I think it’s very positive to have your own thing that charges you,” Howard said.

“And not lose your own identify,” Schneider added. “You don’t just become a couple; you are still your own human and they are still their own human.”

For more tips on self care and wellness, check out the Be Well Besties, part of Centerstone’s Be Well Community.