The Benefits of Forgiveness for Mental Health 

Forgiving someone who has hurt you is not easy. Whether you are holding onto anger after a disagreement or trying to move forward after a painful experience, forgiveness is also not about pretending something never happened or saying someone’s actions were OK. It is about making room for healing and choosing not to let past hurts control your future.  

What is forgiveness? 

“If I had to define forgiveness in one word, it would be freedom,” says Lana Whitehead, a licensed professional counselor with Centerstone. “Forgiveness is the deliberate choice to stop carrying the injury, anger, guilt, shame or resentment associated with a wrong, while choosing unrelenting kindness toward yourself or another person.” 

A common misunderstanding about forgiveness is that it excuses someone’s behavior. Forgiveness does not erase accountability. Instead, forgiveness allows you to acknowledge what happened without letting it continue to shape your thoughts and decisions. 

“When someone hurts us, we often believe that holding onto resentment protects us or somehow punishes the person who caused the harm,” Whitehead says. “Yet, the opposite is often true. If you choose to continue to carry bitterness toward someone, you give that person control over your thoughts and emotions.” 

Whitehead says that forgiveness is not about setting the person who hurt you free. It is about giving yourself the freedom to move forward. 

What are the mental health benefits of forgiveness? 

Holding onto painful experiences can take up a lot of emotional energy. Whitehead explains that unresolved anger can keep emotional wounds active long after an experience has passed. Practicing forgiveness can help reduce these feelings while creating more room for self-esteem and inner peace. 

“Forgiveness interrupts this belief by teaching that mistakes are events, not identities,” Whitehead says. “It allows individuals to learn from failures without allowing those failures to define who they are.” 

How do you forgive someone who hurt you? 

Forgiving someone can be especially challenging if they have not taken responsibility or shown remorse. You may be in a situation trying to forgive someone who is no longer part of your life. Luckily, forgiveness does not require the other person to participate. 

“We can forgive someone without reconciling. We can forgive someone without trusting them. We can forgive someone without inviting them back into our lives,” Whitehead says. 

Forgiveness also does not mean accepting continued mistreatment. Healthy boundaries are an important part of protecting your well-being. 

“Forgiveness and boundaries are not opposing forces,” Whitehead explains. “Forgiveness says, ‘I release my resentment.’ Boundaries say, ‘I protect my well-being.’ Both are necessary.” 

Why is self-forgiveness important? 

Whiteheads encourage people to separate their actions from their identity.  

“Self-forgiveness begins with recognizing that mistakes are behaviors, not identities,” she says. “It’s proof that you are trying.” 

Practicing self-forgiveness means taking responsibility for your choices without using them as a reason to punish yourself. Here are a few ways to begin: 

• Remember that perfection is not possible, and mistakes are part of learning. 

• Offer yourself the same kindness you would give a friend. 

• Take responsibility for your actions and consider what you might do next time. 

• Forgiveness is not always a one-time decision. You may need to practice letting go more than once. 

When should you seek therapy for help with forgiveness?  

It’s a good idea to talk to a therapist if unresolved hurt continues to affect your daily life and/or emotional health. 

“Healthy confidence does not come from believing you will never fail,” Whitehead says. “It comes from believing that failure does not change your value.” 

Ultimately, forgiveness is a practice of choosing growth over shame and compassion over self-punishment. It does not mean forgetting the past or excusing harmful behavior. Forgiveness does not happen right away. If you are not ready to forgive, that’s OK. Healing looks different for everyone, and there is no set timeline. 

To learn more about the counseling and behavioral health services available at Centerstone, visit our website or contact a location near you.