When a baby is born, friends and loved ones are often eager to hold, cuddle, or gently touch the new arrival, and sometimes even strangers can’t resist a quick pat on the head or a light touch. But as children grow, their comfort levels change. They begin to understand and assert personal boundaries, and touch should only happen with their permission. This is the foundation of consent.

Consent is the approval of a specific action—usually physical touching such as hugging, kissing, or tickling. Children need to feel empowered by their parents and other adults to make choices regarding their bodies and comfort.

“Consent has to be given,” says Tari Allan, Trauma Services manager at Centerstone. “It needs to be an enthusiastic yes.”

When consent is violated, it means a boundary has been crossed either by force, coercion, or other factors (such as alcohol and drug use). A major concern with violating a child’s consent is the risk of child sexual abuse.

“Child sexual abuse is touching or using children’s private parts to gain power and control,” Allan adds. “Some examples of child sexual abuse are child pornography, using children for sexual acts, making a child witness sexual acts, and grooming. Any of these actions may result in legal action being taken and may cause severe trauma and distrust from the child.”

According to the anti-sexual violence organization Rainn, in reported cases of child sexual abuse, 93% involve a perpetrator known to the victim such as family members or acquaintances. Children can be easily manipulated because they rely on adults for care and survival.

“Perpetrators know that children are trusting and loving,” says Allan, “They know what they are doing and how to motivate children who are more vulnerable and cognitively at a disadvantage.”

To increase awareness of child sexual abuse issues, there must be efforts to educate children, family, friends, educators, and community members. Here are a few ways to practice consent in your home:

• Teach boundaries. As a parent, you naturally take care of your child’s basic needs: changing diapers, giving baths, and helping them get dressed. These everyday moments are an opportunity to teach them about personal boundaries. Use proper medical terms for their private parts, and explain that no one should touch those areas without their permission. Even as a parent, asking before helping with bathing or dressing reinforces the importance of consent from an early age.
• Give them a voice. In order to empower your children and their right to make choices and set boundaries, try to give them options by frequently asking choice-based questions. For example, let them choose what to wear and when they want to dress themselves as they start to get older.
  

“Teach your children the importance of privacy from an early age,” Allan notes, “Try to teach them phrases like privacy please when they want to be alone or dress themselves as they begin to get older.”

• Education. Teach your friends, family, and community members that learning consent begins at home—everyone needs to ask permission before touching anyone.

Children need to be heard. Teach them to set boundaries and make choices regarding their own body from an early age.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, Centerstone can help. Call 1-877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123) for more information.