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Five Facts about Family Feuds

Are constant feuds causing a lot of drama in your family?

Unfortunately, arguments with family members are all too common. But you can resolve family feuds by knowing the facts about family relationships.

Read the following five statements about family feuds, and see if you can tell whether you think the statements are fact or fiction.

1. True or False: Four-letter words always have four letters.

Answer:  False 

Most people associate four-letter words with profanity, but four-letter words can be other words, too, such as ugly words or words that can be put-downs. Adult versions of four-letter words may include statements like “You never …” or “Why do you always …” or “You ought to …” or “Why can’t you …” Comments and questions like these can easily cause destruction in relationships.

2. True or False: Acts of kindness will erase meanness.

Answer:  False

Kind words and acts of kindness can benefit relationships, but one bouquet of flowers does not erase a week of bitterness. One snide or spiteful comment, such as those mentioned above, can erase the past 20 acts of kindness.

3. True or False: Children can find solutions to their problems.

Answer:  True

This applies to children of kindergarten age or older kids returning home from college. At any age, children should be held accountable for trying to find a solution to their problems. Like adults, children who are in conflict should be given the opportunity to state their view of the problem, but also their ideas for resolution before others jump in to offer their advice.

4. True or False: Little changes in you can mean big changes in your spouse.

Answer:  True

We know if we wait for our spouse to make changes for the better, we may be waiting until the cows come home and the pigs start flying. I am sure it is easy to think of the things your spouse does to bug you. But consider your own reactions, too. If you make changes in how you typically have a negative response to your spouse, he/she will notice and perhaps be inspired to make changes themselves.

5. True or False: It helps to withhold anger as long as possible.

Answer:  False

If the statement were “It helps to withhold negative, unnecessary anger toward a family member,” then the answer would be true. But withholding anger only causes it to build up and eventually come out in an explosive manner. This behavior is always destructive and can ignite many family feuds.


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