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The Four Questions Relationship Challenge


It’s back to school time for the kids, but what about a task for the adults? How about a back to basics relationship check up? If you are ready to put your marriage or relationship to the test, then you are ready for the Four Questions Relationship Challenge.

The instructions are simple. There are four questions each person asks their partner. Questions are asked one at a time with the questioner being open to hear the responses. Both people are challenged to ask the questions and then carefully consider the open and honest response from their partner. The real challenge is to commit to meeting the needs and requests from each other.

Here are the questions:

1.What is something I am currently doing that you would like me to do more?

2. What is something that you would like me to do less?

3. What is something new you would like me to start doing?

4. What is something you would like me to stop doing?

Here’s a tip – answer each question with something that is realistic but would also mean a lot to the person making the request. Also, begin the challenge during happy times, not in the middle of disagreements.

Here are some examples of possible responses.

Do more

  • I would love it if you would make that great lasagna more often.
  • It would mean a lot if you would help more with folding the laundry.

Do less

  • If you could spend a little less time on the computer, we could tackle that house project.
  • If you could spend half as much money per month on clothes and shopping, our budget could be more workable.

Start doing

  • If you could start calling me when you’re on your way home that would help me with planning dinner.
  • If you could start cleaning the dishes after dinner on nights I cook, that would be super.

Stop doing

  • If you could stop verbally putting me down in front of others, I would appreciate it.
  • If you/we could stop arguing in the front of the kids, we would all benefit.

If each partner shares their requests with respect and with a true desire to become closer by meeting the needs and desires of each other, then the relationship can be enriched beyond belief. It only takes four questions to begin developing and deepening your relationship.

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