Single, Satisfied, and Self-Empowered
For some people, being single can be an awesome experience, and for others, not so much. Feelings of not being good enough or not being lovable can creep in and undermine your otherwise-confident self. Whether you’re newly single or have been single for years, there are ways to quiet the negative self-talk and feel empowered by being a party of one.
Certain times of the year can be more challenging for single people. Whether it’s because of a holiday or a day that’s important to you, you may find yourself struggling with wanting to share it with someone special. However, it’s important to remember that comparison is the thief of joy, and just because you are not currently in a relationship does not mean you are not desirable. In fact, there are many ways to embrace being single that can help put it into perspective. “Humans have two basic needs that they need to have met in order to be functioning and happy: a feeling of belonging and a feeling of significance,” says Deirdre Guilloton, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist at Centerstone, “and what that looks like is different for different people.” As long as those two basic needs are being met, it doesn’t matter whether it’s from a romantic partner or not.
It’s important to have a solid perception on what it means to be single, versus being alone. “It all comes from a sense of self-confidence,” adds Guilloton, “we need to love ourselves first.” What we crave most as humans is community and connection, so finding like-minded people with shared interests is a great way to build community and decrease feelings of loneliness. When you build connections with people who add value to your life, it can help emphasize the fact that a platonic connection can be just as real and valuable as a romantic one.
If you are single and feel like there is a void in your life, Guilloton offers this advice, “you need to explore your values based on why you feel the way you do. So, if you are able to identify why you feel ‘less than’ for being single, you can use that as a tool to learn more about yourself.” Feeling a void can stem from your values. Maybe you were raised to believe that you needed a relationship to be complete and happy, and that happiness wasn’t something you could achieve on your own. If you find yourself feeling like something is missing, consider focusing on what you do have. Instead of ‘I need to find my other half to complete me,’ try ‘I am a complete person who is looking for someone to add value to my already-whole life.’
Feeling fulfilled as a single person is all about your perspective and mindset, and although these can be hard to change, it is important to remember that you are loved, you are complete, you are enough. If you find yourself working through feelings of loneliness, Centerstone can help. To learn more, visit our counseling services page or call us at 877-HOPE123 (1-877-467-3123).