Do you find yourself feeling consistently anxious with an intense fear of failure and a tendency to obsess over your mistakes? If so, you may be a perfectionist. Perfectionism can often disguise itself as ambition or the desire to do well, but over time, it can become an exhausting and unsustainable way to live. Let’s explore some common signs of perfectionism and how to begin stepping away from its constant pressure.

Three signs that you may be a perfectionist:

1. A fear of failure
Perfectionists often hold an irrational belief that everything must be flawless. They struggle to adjust their expectations, viewing any failure as catastrophic. Even minor mistakes can feel like the end of the world, exposing a deeper fear, that they are not truly perfect. For them, being average doesn’t feel like enough. As a result, they harshly criticize themselves for every misstep. At the heart of perfectionism is a need for control, and any imperfection can threaten that sense of stability. Many of us may be able to recognize that mistakes, setbacks, and flaws are a natural part of being human. A perfectionist, however, may find that incredibly difficult to accept.

2. Unreasonable goals
No matter how hard they try and how many goals they achieve, a perfectionist’s accomplishments may never feel good enough. They believe success and personal worth is measured by achieving goals, avoiding mistakes, and receiving approval from others. This all-or-nothing way of thinking, and their tendency to overemphasize what they can improve on, can cause a vicious cycle of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors.

3. Judgmental of self and others
Perfectionists often find it difficult to experience lasting happiness, as their high standards can make it hard to feel truly satisfied even when things go well. They tend to place intense pressure on themselves, and sometimes, unintentionally, on those around them. Even in moments of success, they may focus more on what could have gone better than on what went right. This constant self-evaluation can also extend to others; perfectionists may be more critical than they realize, not out of any animosity, but because of their own expectations.

Overcoming perfectionism

Though unlearning perfectionist tendencies can be challenging, it is possible to take small steps to help conquer them. First, recognize that perfection is an illusion. There is a big difference between striving for excellence and striving for perfection. Excellence is attainable, because, by definition, it allows for the possibility of failure. Excellence infers that we are doing the best we can. Next, change self-defeating thoughts and behaviors. Perfectionism comes from the ways you think and talk to and about yourself. If you can change the way you talk to yourself, you can learn to demand less from yourself. Perfectionism is often accompanied by thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not smart” which can lead to feelings of shame and hopelessness. Instead of participating in negative self-talk, try flipping the narrative with comments like “I tried my best” or “It’s not perfect, but that’s okay.” Finally, confront your fear of failure. One of the biggest challenges for a perfectionist is learning how to deal with criticism and perceived failure. Although this skill will take time to develop, learning to view mistakes as learning opportunities will set you up for success.

In order to confront your perfectionism, you first have to recognize where it comes from which may be challenging to do on your own. If you’re looking to dig deeper and start overcoming your perfectionism, a trained Centerstone counselor is here to help you every step of the way. Visit our website to learn more.